So I have decided to divert my focus as much as I can; I’ve done some washing, then I stared at my phone today. I needed to do something else, something more constructive. I would normally talk to my friends about this; especially those who have been through this before, but of course we don’t want to tell anyone until we know we are pregnant and have had the 12 week scan.
I’ve been on mumsnet and read other posts which is so helpful; I read posts by women who have had success at one month; six months; 12 months and more. Then I start to worry when I see those who have suffered MC and the sorrow they have gone through. My heart goes out to them.
I am in the middle of the dreaded Two Week Wait (TWW) I am currently 9 dpo, I must be honest that I have jumped the gun and taken 4 early tests. Yes, I know it’s too early, why can’t I just wait until my period? Well, I just have this voice in my head.. what if I see an early line? I’ve have got the cheaper tests and it would be nice to see the progression of the line if it does appear; if not then I’ll move onto the next month. In the meantime I have this weird need to test my pee! It’s like a little home experiment!
The thing I am finding at the moment though is no matter where I go I see baby things, baby programs, TV characters having babies, adverts with babies. Four friends of mine are pregnant right now, more on Facebook just announced, one friend gave birth a month ago, another is any day now… I’m surrounded! Of course as we got married last year people say… “oh it will be you next!” Well, Yes I hope it will be! What are you supposed to say?? Yes, we are in the middle of trying and I’m thinking about nothing else right now. I just said hello with a hug to you knowing that you accidentally pee’d on my hand this morning while I was doing a test (even though I washed my hands four times since then).
My dry January has continued into February knowing that hopefully soon it won’t just be for the sake of it, yet I still feel like people are trying to guess of course! I’ve also become a secret chocolate eater despite the rest of my diet being relatively healthy.
I’ve started trying to analyse symptoms too; cramping, wind, lower back pain, boob pain, heartburn… yeah everything that I get normally anyway but could it be because I’m pregnant?
So I started this blog to get all of my thoughts out of my head and out onto a page so I can at least make sense of at least some of them. I’m sure there is other women out there going through the same thoughts as me right now.
If you are… I’m with you too…