As I wake up every morning I realise I’ve been having some really strange dreams, then within about an hour of getting up I can’t remember any of them. As March has really kicked started, and as the mornings are getting light I’m also finding I’m waking up earlier every day too. With the sunshine beaming in our window in the morning I often wonder what kind of summer we have to look forward to and then I wonder if and how pregnant I may be by then.
I feel like I’ve lost a bit of my optimism somewhat recently, partly due to knowing that this months opportunity as been and gone and it’s now out of our control, but I think that I have read so many stories of women who have gone through years and years of IVF My heart aches fr them, I want to reach out to them. Then I feel guilty that I am am so early in the journey, how do I know the feeling when we haven’t been trying for very long? I don’t know if it makes the two week wait easier. The more longer journeys I see the more afraid that we take just as long.
Of course all this could be completely irrational, everything inside could be doing exactly what it supposed to be. I am trying so hard not to symptom spot as last month of course this got me absolutely nowhere. I need to fill my glass half full again, I miss feeling excited as I did at this point last month.
At this point in my cycle I’m not even sure if any symptoms are even relevant, I’m just trying to take everything one day at a time. I am still logging what symptoms I can, however I am trying to avoid google searching anything. Although just to boost my mood I’ve been watching videos on You Tube of women getting positive tests, I don’t know why it helps it just does.
I really just have to keep an open mind and try to think positive.