Lying Eyes

I am now on cycle day 27, I was expecting AF tomorrow. This morning I took a Clear Blue and although I thought I could see a very faint shadow although my husband couldn’t see anything.

At lunch time today I started to get some very light bleeding.

When I normally get AF I get it bang on time, I got very light pink watery discharge with EWCM, later this afternoon I checked and the tampon – which would normally be full wasn’t and has brown/dark red again mixed with EWCM. I normally cramp so bad I can’t stand up and literally floodgates but this is different, I also still feel really sick too, and the cramps I have are the tugging dull cramps I’ve had for a few days.

Now, in reality this could just be AF messing with me like the bitch that she is; but after catching up with @RawMum who I’ve been chatting to on twitter, who has had this same thing and got a BFP at CD 33. She had been advised by her doctor that Implantation Bleeding (IB) is a lot more common than we think. I know I’m now clutching at straws but I still don’t want to rule everything out completely unless I get further bleeding for more than two days. I won’t be testing again unless this discharge stops so I will be monitoring it carefully.

All in all I am not as upset as I thought I would be a few days ago. One of my closest friends told me she was 10 weeks pregnant this week and I am so happy for her as she was told last year that she wouldn’t be able to conceive due to some medication she is taking. I was so angry with myself for being jealous of her, but I’ve spoken with her and she completely understands. This has made it easier to handle, although I almost feel like if I see one more pregnancy announcement I am going to have a paddy!

Pregnancy still feels like something that happens to other people, I naively thought that this was going to be easy for us. Heck when you are in your 20’s you worried if you missed one pill! It is so frustrating that I’m on cycle 2 and we are no further forwards. I have been on no pills, injections, coils, implants or any chemical birth control for about 6 years we’ve just been very very careful using condoms. We both honestly thought that we would just need to do it once and that would be it. How wrong we were.

I’m still thinking positive though… because I have to.

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